Updated: Sep 13, 2020
I'm beginning to think that the phrase "deal with the drama" should be included in the wedding vows. It can fit between love and honor and forsaking all others.
We all want someone to love and respect us, but how are we at returning the love? How many times do we hear, "I don't want someone with drama?" Jesus said, "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone." I would like to spin off of that and say, "Let he who is without drama make the first insult." How can we fault our mates for having drama when we have some too?
You say you have no drama in your life? Well, congratulations. I don't know anyone who doesn't. We easily look past our own problems to complain about other people. If you met someone that said they had a corporate job, their own house and no children, would you want to be with this person?
What about if you met someone that said any of the following?
"My baby's daddy/mama is worthless"
"My car just broke down"
"I just got laid off"
"I'm still trying to get over my brother's death"
"My kids don't listen and they talk back"
"I have bad credit"
"I did some time several years ago"
"I have an addiction"
"I have no money"
Chances are, you would run. Why can't we love someone through their pain? Working as a team to resolve problems can unite a man and woman in a bond stronger than super glue. For most of us, that's too much work. We see the problems, not the person. You may have the most faithful, supportive, loving person right in front of you, but could you see past the drama?
Many millennials have little patience for a less than perfect mate and prefer to chase their goals or paper instead of pursuing a relationship. As one young woman told me, “I know what I want and most of these men don’t. After I get where I want to be, then I should be able to find a more mature man to settle down with.”
That type of thinking may seem quite logical when you are 25. However, if you are 45 you need to realize that while the available men and women should be more mature, they have also lived more. Extra years means more life experience, which is often good, but no rose is without it’s thorns.
Alicia Keys sang a song in 2005 about having a relationship like Will and Jada.
How many struggling women with a couple of kids and an unemployed husband wished for a husband like Will? I can’t remember how many times I used to hear men tell their wives that they could be supportive like Jada; that she always seemed to encourage Will and still looked good after having children.
Fast forward to 2020, and their marriage sadly became one of the biggest jokes on the Internet.
Instead of continually striving for something better, why not appreciate what you actually have?
We can invest so much time on goals, lists and requirements that we don't take the time to see how blessed we are.
If we happen to meet someone going through a rough time, we shake our heads and say, "I have enough problems of my own." That is my point. How can we expect someone to love us with our faults, but we want them perfect?
When we lift a heavy piece of furniture, most of us have a friend pick up the other end. It's easier to carry that way. Problems are the same way. If we condemn others for their issues, what do we do when it happens to us?